12 dibbe..

Ek dibbe ke aage dibba,

Uss dibbe ke peeche dibba.

Aage peeche dibba dibba.

12 dibbon ki dheemi local aa rahi hai….

In dibbon mein baithe, khade jayenge kuch log..

Jo badh rahe hain apni apni manzil ki ore.

Aur jinke office ne unki khoob jaan hai khaayi, who phir bhi  khush hain

Kyunki, 12 dibbon ki dheemi local aa rahi hai….

Seatein kam hai, log hai zyada…

Ticket kharidna is never ever seat ka vaada…

Jisse seat mili who aaj ka raja ya rani kal se shuri hogi ek aisi he nayi kahani

Par aaj to, 12 dibbon ki dheemi local aa rahi hai….

Ghusna jiska lage kathin jo,

Utrega kaise balak who.

Bheed ho jiska middle name, uss train mein chadhkar sprain bhi aa sakta hai, but smile young man

Kyunki, 12 dibbon ki dheemi local aa rahi hai….

Jab aati hai shor machati,

Apna horn zor se bachati,

Platform par bhagdad mach jaati hai, seedhi saadhi ladki bhi PT Usha ban jaati hai,

Kyunki, 12 dibbon ki dheemi local aa rahi hai….                                                                                                                                                       

Pyaaz kaatti, paper padhti, batiyaati, ya soti janta

Sabko unke station pahuchna train ka param farz hai banta.

Ek inch ki jagah, ke liye sophisticated logon mein bhi badi jung ho jaati hai, par sab ignore kar jaate hain

Kyunki, 12 dibbon ki dheemi local aa rahi hai….

Ek dhakka aayega aur aap honge train ke andar.

Ek dhakka le jayega theek aapko train ke bahar.

Sab automatic ho jayega, bus right place at right time ka funda he kaam aayega.

Kyunki, 12 dibbon ki dheemi local aa rahi hai….

Jab utaare jaayein apne station par.

Kar sakte hain chaahein to aap thoda sa sabar.

Par, zara side mein jakar rest kejeye janab, aur hatt jayeye from slowly building human dabaav,

Kyunki, ek aur 12 dibbon ki dheemi local aa rahi hai.

Confession no. 4

For some weird reason, I have got into this rut of thinking on the negative lines...I am living a life, wherein I am scared 24x7...if I start evaluating there may not be any visible reasons in the present for me to be so worked up and worried...but that doesn't stop me from letting go the compulsive thinking...my relationships are getting affected by it...something that in turn fuels my negative and constant thinking..its a vicious circle that I am finding hard to get out from...but I have decided to work on it and here are some of the things that I plan to do

1. observe and regulate my thinking pattern...today i would try and regulate my thoughts, as in the moment i realize that i am consciously thinking negatively about something or imagining the negative outcome of something i would start thinking otherwise ( its too difficult but what the heck worth a shot )

2. maintain a journal which i would carry with me which i am planning to carry today (atleast) and i would write down all the positive/pleasant/good things that happen to me throughout the day as and when they happen, lest i might forget.

3. Get a little less protective and paranoid about the new relationship, i think i need to step back and let things shape up with certain amount of spontaneity

4.  get a life, i need a job and i need to get busy and all these thoughts will leave me alone

Plan B

Ever saw a dream and waited for it for eternity to come true only to be left with a lot of pain and disappointment when it failed to materialize ?

That's life and it may not be fair at all times but that's what it is..you held on to one sacred dream of yours and God decided not to grant you your one most favourite wish.

Fortunately or unfortunately life doesn't come with an ESC button, or I quit option, you need to fight it out and stay and survive sometimes even when you have nothing to hold on to in the present and there is no realistic hope for the future either.

I guess God likes to throw a challenge or two at you, when you keep reminding him that please give me this, i don't think i can survive without it..God decides to deprive you of that and then expects you to react accordingly.

In such circumstances each one of us has two choices, look for the silver lining, brighter side or whatever crap its called nowadays..and another choice is quit your life-die or do something equally drastic in thought or in action so that you stop hoping ever again for anything good and rosy for your life.

I am not so sure which choice I'm about to take the former one seems to be the difficult one though..its the most difficult thing to hope again if your hopes have been repeatidly ruined without fail.

As of now still looking out for plan B

CONFESSION NUMBER : 3

I have never understood one thing about love relationships- why do they all begin with a sense of euphoria, excitment wherein we are excited and encouraging about each and every imagined and real quality that the other person has and then somewhere down the line the very things that attracted us to the other person would all look the most irritating and frustrating set of qualities one could ever have..? why ? why do we always end up destroying the things that we were extremely fond of at some point..why ?

Each man kills the thing he loves, by each let this be heard. some do it with a bitter look, some with a flattering word. the coward does it with a kiss, the brave man with a sword.

Another thing that i always wonder about is-why do we want to believe or hope even for a second that if we have found somebody who is funny, intelligent, interesting in short -fantastic company and amazing human being that they should be or must be our original discovery..I mean there could be tens and thousands times they could have been discovered and liked and loved much before you showed up in their life and why should it bother you, at all ?

well unfortunately since i am not such a super human being it does bother me and bothers me a lot at times..i want to focus just on the present and be content that this person is with me now..but i just can't take my mind off the simple fact that this person was once somebody else's apple of the eye and that my special someone was fond of,crazy about, and adored somebody else and what makes it worse is that they are still friends with them..

In a perfect world, none of these things would have bothered me but since we all wrestle with our imperfections on a daily basis these are the insecurities that i do kick boxing sessions with once every week and these feelings of insecurities attack me without prior warning and i feel trapped and helpless and i end up hating myself for making my own life hell and dragging down the other person with me.

People are prismatic

My favourite subject is people..different people, random people.. I just love to observe them..its a less known fact but I am a pretty sincere student when it comes to studying people..the only mistake I always end up making is, that I forget that no person is 100% bad or 100% good..I have had friends who have been downright insensitive, mean and heartless..and I have had 'enemies' (a very strong word but then its needed to show the contrast) who have gone out of the way to help me at some point..

So is it fair to categorise people, classify them?

Is it even fair to write off somebody completely or place somebody in the hall of fame ever ?

The finality attached to it is pretty ruthless, too much rests on our perceived spot-on judgement and the assumption that the person is a single layered human being who has no other hidden or less known aspects to his/her personality..

So many times people have surprised me pleasantly and unpleasantly and thats because in my mind I had already classify them as good or bad purely in context to their equation with me and when they deviated even a little the surprise element just popped up!!

Probably this is the reason why people make interesting subject matter because the element of certain uncertainities is always there...and frankly speaking if you let somebody speak for long enough they end up revealing themselves without you making any effort, and this is the time when silence is truly gold.

A NEW DAWN: kyunki dawn ko pakadna mushkil sahi par namumkin nahi hai

Yesterday I hit the lowest point of my life..wherein I convinced myself that just because some random person said something I should throw away everything that I value a lot in my life..hurting a lot of people who genuinely care and worry about me...If given a choice I would probably erase that moment, and I would want to believe that it never happened..but since its now out there, an unecessary experience and ordeal in which I dragged a lot of people,I am sincerely and truly apologetic for what happened...sometimes you get lost in the chaos and the loud crowd so much that you forget whats truly priceless. I have a really special person in my life,somebody I really love, adore, and care about but somehow I ended up letting him down..I am scared that I might have pushed him away by what I did, but now I have no choice but to makeup for my careless mistakes and hope that one day he will forgive me... or atleast that he would be able to look at me beyond that one isolated incident.And I promise myself that I am going to value whatever I have, because he is somebody I was always waiting for, somebody who gets me, somebody who on most days sees me freaking out on trivial issues and being careless with major issues and yet manages to tell me that he loves me and mean it.

Its all in the mind

They say, be careful of what you say when you are in others' company and what you think when you are alone..

This thought somehow resonates with me on many different levels, I feel somebody said that to me looking directly in my eyes and almost in a confrontation mode.

There are days or atleast some parts of my days where I have this out of body experience, ie when people are talking about me- especially the good points and I cannot relate to it, I feel that they are talking about somebody else..somebody who is much more popular, confident, trendy, somebody who resembles me at times but is definitely not me..and that leaves me sad and even more under confident

I am going through that phase again, and I really don't know how can overcome this deep feeling of underconfidence.

For some reason I am not able to see the good in me that others can..so in the end they are left wondering as to from where this self depreciating feelings and talks coming from.

I hate it too, I hate my whinny, cribbing self but I still can't help it...

It takes a special effort for me to say anything nice about me, and that way I always end up with negative thoughts in my mind attacking me and because I am always thinking negatively I am never confident about myself..its a painful vicious circle, that I am unable to get out from..

I really really need help.